Random thought of the day: Gregory Hines was so fucking hot! (Not really that random, I'very had a crush on him since I was about 8...and even got to meet him once...but still)

2AM french toast after coitus. 

Luxury. ♥

Oy...wednesday morning...

I guess I need more coffee...I actually need more sleep...

But, they FINALLY installed our new dishwasher yesterday after 3 weeks of doing the dishes by hand and I am SO grateful and happy and relieved! I didn't realize how spoiled I was until we didn't have one. Now I just need the vacuum fixed and I'll be back in business. 

So....I didn't realize there was no video linked to last weeks Saturday Happy Song...Sorry about that.
Poor little neglected blog.

I got sick again last Sunday, the 12th, and have been sick since. The 13th I only came into work for 2 hours, I called out the 14th, I slept 12-16 hours each of those days and drank tons of water, am taking double the dose recommended of vitamins...I still feel like crap. I don't know what's wrong with me at this point, but I'm dragging myself through life. Still doing all the things, just not at full tempo.

We had a wonderful weekend anyway. Steve played at Universal Bar and Grill Friday night, we had a band hang-out at a mansion on the beach in Dana Point all day Saturday, he played a fancy bar in Hollywood Sunday night...It was hotter than hell all weekend, but we still did stuff and had fun.

Record heat yesterday. It's a little better today...I'm just, worn out. So much stuff to work on and always feel like crap. So, I have kinda neglected this space because I have nothing to do but complain I guess. I haven't journaled either, I think I got a little burned out on the constant self expression and am in an internal phase. Which might not be helping the not feeling well part, I need to get feelings out and process them into something, but I don't feel like doing that either. I was all gun-ho about the spring cleaning, but was sick so often that not as much got done that I wanted.

So, I guess I just keep going. One foot in front of the other. Keep cleaning, processing, working, resting, creating, expressing, going.

Never, never, never give up.

Here's that video for ya:

Sold a bunch of stuff on eBay! We can eat this week! Rent week is always the worst...so fucking broke.
I have dragged my feet about packing stuff, running out of packing materials, so I guess I 'll have to go buy some. I hate spending money on something I'm trying to get out of my house.

But the house! I mean, apartment!! It's a huge mess, it's all in a state of flux, it's amazing! Have gotten a bunch of stuff out of the house, more is going, I am inspired to get it all done by end of spring. Lots of spring cleaning. It's good. It's all over the place right now, but it's good. Besides, I think I'm buying a dress makers form and I need room. I think I need one, and I am probably going to start wth a cheap foam one and pad it till I get an idea of how useful it will be to me. To be 100% honest, part of me is getting it to work out belly dance costumes on it from things I currently have.

I have so much stuff and I don't even know what or where it all is. Most of what I am selling off is dad's extraneous stuff that is not for his show and not for keeping, but stuff that was supposed to fund his show and now I just need to get it out of my house and need additional food money cause I'm broke. And, ya know, need a dress makers form...I have gotten a big shelf for the kitchen though, and some boxes to store my current costume components in. I have never been sure of how I want to store things, so I don't buy stuff to store stuff in and it ends up all over the place. So, yeah, it's in the works. I'm excited. :)

Well, it's Monday night. The last night of November here on the west coast of America. December looms, breathing down our necks. Thanksgiving is done, now time to rush toward the frenzy of Christmas, slide into New Years way too quick, and wonder how the hell that happened till Jan 14th when you realize there's nothing going on again for a whole month.

How was your Thanksgiving?

Mine was half and half. Half was fun Half was fighting. Just as any good holiday should be.

Waited in line for an hour for ham (my man had already been in line for an hour at this point) went to final rehearsal for belly dance Xmas show coming up, did Full Moon yoga and mediation, was in love with the world. After shopping till midnight and filling up our cart with yummy foods at the very last minute (cause I always have to do everything at the very last minute. WHY?!!), we loaded the car, and it stalled. FUCK.

Uber, boyfriends truck, back to the store, rescue groceries, get home, bake pies...I am anxious about it. I am more anxious Thanksgiving morning when I wake up way too late and remember I have to deal with the fucking car before I can get our dinner party for bandmates rolling.

3 hours, renewal of AAA, finding out it wasn't just the battery, having car towed to mechanic I have had 1 review from my boss about but never actually met, 3 huge fights, half a bottle of wine, some tears, some pot, some vodka, a hot stove and 5 guests later we are in full swing and could not be happier about it. I really do love to entertain, it's really not always such a dramatic battle to the dinner bell. I swear, we have fun.

Friday we went out to see another band mate play in, at Canter's. I got drunk on Pinot Noir and purchased too many pastries ( Rainbow Cookies!!), then ate too many pastries. Saturday, I ran errands with my man and he took me out to lunch at Hamburger Hamlet. I had never eaten there. It was lovely. Sandwichs and beer and french fries were all great. He bought me some costume beads at a little shop before heading out to rehearsal. I know I'm getting old when a little part of me needs the work week to start so I can get back into a routine that doesn't involve so much eating.

Blessed. I am blessed. A luxurious 4 days off.

Shit you guys, I can't believe it's time for Christmas already. 

The Raleigh Twenty

 The Raleigh Twenty was my bicycle in high school. Now that I think about it, it was my first bike. The first one that wasn't a hand me down or something I shared. Though, everything in our house was community property for the most part, and things I was given by my father turned out to end up being his, or other peoples later when he thought them unsuitable for me at some point (have I told the story of my first car? Remind me to tell you the story of the first car.) So, when I was not interested in this bike anymore, and he had brought home the more fashionable beach cruiser for my younger sister and I to ride, this was just sort of absorbed into his collection.

His friend Leann was...having a yard sale? Had just acquired more collectibles?  I don't recall...I remember standing in her front yard, of the lovely little house she rented on 10th and...Pearl-ish area of Santa Monica and my father loving this bike. Trying to talk her into parting with it, he said "Sydney needs a  bike!" She asked if I did, and did I like this one. I said yes, to both questions. I really did like the bike. I really did hope it was going to be mine, and not a thing he was telling other people was for me, but was really for him. (This was never intentional really, things just mattered more to my dad than most people and so if you were not interested he would say you were so he could get something, or if you lost interest in it he wold save it from the trash. Everything had a use and a meaning to him.)

The bike was mine throughout junior high and high school. My sisters were not interested, he had many bikes, all used and rusted; but this one was always so charming. It had so much more personality than the others. After the beach cruiser became more practical I lost track of this bike, it went into his Santa Monica storage, then moved to Culver City storage, and when he passed away I reclaimed it. Leann asked if I still had it, and I kept it, either for her or I to restore and ride. It has now been 4 years. I am pairing down my things, trying to totally liberate myself from the clutter and chaos in my apartment, and I am just not going to restore this bike. I have to let it go.

I have known this for, I don't know...a year? I am not totally sure why it came with us when we moved in May 2012. The lady that lived upstairs from us in Palms asked if I was willing to sell it, and it didn't feel right. That's the only way I know how to explain holding onto this thing for 4 years. It never felt right to let it go. For a month I have tried to motivate myself to post the thing on craigslist, it's been hot, I've been busy. For whatever reason I got out and did it Sunday.

Then, I panicked. I have to let it go. I could hear my father say the price I was asking was too low, it's an antique! It's worth money! But, it's very rusted...if it is going to get restored, you can't sell too high. Crap...I'm going to have to let this thing go!! He would be so mad at me..but what am I going to do? Schlep it around for the rest of my life? I do not have the time or money to put into this thing when photography (his and mine) and dance are calling.

I had an email from a man named Jon Sunday night, just his number, just asking to call. I put it off. Other emails asked about the bike Monday morning, but we go in order of who asked first.

He sounded European, and a little older on the phone. He said this was the bike he rode throughout his school years in Philadelphia. Even in the snow! He loved this bike. He had been searching awhile. I told him I would text him the address, and be home at 6:30pm. I warned him it was gonna really need some work. It had been neglected. At 5pm he texted to say he was leaving his house now. I confirmed I would not be home till 6:30. He responded "NP".

 

 I go home, unlock the bike, and say a formal goodbye. I thank her for her many years of service, tell her I always loved her and I always will. I acknowledge out loud I can hear my father arguing with me I am making a mistake, but I can not care for this bike. If there is a person that will appreciate her and can put time and money and love in, that's where the bike belongs. I kiss her handlebar, say goodbye and pull her out of the carport.

Jon texts right then he is parked in the alley behind my building.

I waddle forward with the bike, approach a white Prius with dark tinted windows, and a man with white hair and glasses emerges. "Jon?"
"Yes, yes hello Sydney nice to meet you!"
He takes a look at the bike. "Oh yes, this is it. I rode this bike all over Philadelphia when I was in school. Even in the snow! I would ride over to my wife's house then, when we were dating, and lean against it and wait for her to come outside. Her father would tease her. Say I was crazy for riding my bike in the snow."

Oh my god.

I tell him this is just what I was hoping for. Not someone that needed extra metal for scrap. Or someone that didn't know what they were buying, but someone that would appreciate and put love into this bike.

He looks closer, and realizes the rust is pretty bad. He has a guy, he's bringing him the bike tomorrow, and he said to be sure there is not too much rust. He asks my price again, his eyes are bad and he wasn't sure what I was asking. He winces when I tell him. I knock $15 more off and he hands it to me and starts opening the hatchback on the car. I tell him to please keep my info and send me a picture when the bike is finished. I've had it since high school, I really intended to restore it myself, but I have not had time or money. I am so pleased I found him, I am so happy he wants to restore it. He gasps and then smiles when he hears this, "it was your bike in school too?!" He assures me he will send photos. We both have a good laugh about how you can't be sure who you are going to meet on craigslist and we are both so pleased this was such a positive interaction. He says he is so relieved that after driving all this way it worked out. That's when I find out he came all the way from Laguna Niguel!! Almost 70 miles in rush hour traffic for a bike he's been searching for for years.

Sometimes you wait and don't know why. Sometimes you hesitate and can't explain. I held onto a rusty bike for 4 years and moved it 20 miles because my gut told me to and in the end, the bike got the home it deserved.

Lovely day with sisters today. Picked up Lesley about 2pm, came back to my place, went in the pool. It's definitely the farewell pool visit. I feel so blessed that it is the first week of October and we are still able to get in te pool. It was 88 degrees today. But, the water was a bit cold, and I am pretty sure this was my last dunk of the season. I realized I should still dunk my feet as often as possible, because I still get a bitof swelling on my bad ankle...and it's a huge free cold water resource...

So, Pool, Pizza and Muppets. It was a good afternoon. Went in the now quiet cool, but very refreshing pool, then got out about 5pm, and ordered Pizza Hut, and watched the first 2 episodes of The Muppests, they have a new show. SO good, so fun. Drank too much sangria. So glad Nikki drove Lesley and Leo Home...Gotta lay down....

11:59pm! noted record of a great night out! ♥

Sorted another box of my dads tonight.
Got to the bottom, some old dust clumps, some, tape or string...? Can beat it out outside and get rid of it. Looked closer...

My hospital bracelet from the day I was born.
I cried. I thanked him. I felt like he was there. Tried to hold his hand.
Grateful for the little things tonight...passing moments with the otherworld...I felt at peace and so thankful for moments like this to process my feelings.

And, other parts of me are so pleased with the proof that you shouldn't dump all your dead fathers things in a dumpster the weekend after he died like some people worked so hard to do..HA MOTHERFUCKERS!! 

Let's take the whole day off

Took the day off work.

It was a really productive day!! Very positive outcome on the decision to stay home, so pleased. That doesn't always happen, so glad it worked out today.

Had to take Pink to the vet...She hasn't been peeing a lot, and she normally pees tons, she has kidney disease. $180.00 later...I'll know more tomorrow, or today, it's after midnight now...

So, came home, napped for an hour, cleaned the kitchen, practiced belly dance, went though boxes in SD's room, got rid of 3-4 totally empty boxes I thought my significant other was saving to send ebay sales in...and 3 boxes of dads stuff! YAY!!

Handled it, took the emotion out of it. He is not his stuff, I have to show his stuff the way I like, I have to focus on the vision...kept very little, mostly dumped those 3 boxes. Actually went to the thrift store with it, so it wouldn't live in my car for weeks. Big progress. :)

Met with Mia about pictures of Sapphic Musk video relase party that happened Saturday, drank sangria...went back though Sapphic Musk photos with photoshop...sent to Mia...relaxing night. The Mr. went to band rehearsal, he has a keyboard player!!

Showers and bed. Goodnight peoples! ♥

Homemade coconut allspice diamonds from co-worker. Mmmmmmmm...cookie itself is like a shortbread. Very buttery and flaky.

LAST of the sugar for me for a while, I need a detox! Been sluggish. July sucked. Starting over now that it's over. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!

I DID IT!!!

I survived 4 weeks of covering for a TVD scheduler! I didn't stab anyone, I only worked like, 6 or 7 12 hour days, I only cried like, twice. GO ME!!

Now, the douche that was supposed to cover me and didn't is out for a week and a half. But I don't care, his workflows are not that bad...*knocks on wood* and I have Friday off!

I did it. I am so happy it's over and so proud of myself for making it. I am so burned out I could fall over. I can't decide what I'm gonna do with my Friday off...I have so much I need to get done, and all I want to do it sleep...hhhmmm...maybe I should do all the things so that I can sleep in on Saturday with my man...I don't know. I am just so excited this is over.

Today was a good day.

I didn't feel quite so lost or as much like crying at my new job.

I went to my first belly dance class since the end of physical therapy for my ankle.

It was my first Tribal class, EVER (this is my favorite style, so it's weird it took me this long to get here, but I didn't have a car before).

It was being subbed by Sherri Wheatley and she was the nicest person. We got to talk for 15mins before hand cause we were waiting for class to start.

I got through 1 of the boxes of my dads stuff that has been too painful to sort through.

The Mr. is making brownies (not like I need a brownie cause I need to loose 30 pounds by June...but I'm back to trying to develop a healthy relationship with food, and so I need to learn to eat in moderation, and...I can't hurt my dude's feelings, right? ;) )

I remembered to publicly count my blessings and not just my bitching.

 

On the new job:

Manager of digital mastering: "How long have you been on this side of the fence now?"
Me: "3 weeks. This is the end of my 3rd week here."
Manager of digital mastering: "You're doing really well."
Me: "Oh! Thank you!"
Me in my head:

 

We hugged it out.
All good.

*whew!*

;-)

The Ankle Chronicles - post 6 of who the fuck knows

I am sitting alone in my room, eating chocolate and feeling sorry for myself. It is 7:11pm and I am trying to figure out what to do with my evening. I have been trying to figure it out for over an hour. This makes me feel even sorrier for myself and then I feel pathetic. Feeling pathetic about myself makes me feel, pathetic.

I had my 3rd X-ray on my ankle yesterday. It has been 4 weeks since the doctor's appointment where we discussed my MRI and I was told they had messed up, I have a fractured talus bone and should never have been walking. I should have stayed off it for 3 months they said...so, here we are 4 weeks later and doctor enters the room and tells me my x-rays look good. I stopped in the middle of taking off the huge walking boot and looked at him stunned. "They do?!" Yeah, he replies and then realizes I think he means like, Really good and quickly tells me that though I am healing, the fracture line is still present. There appears to be less of a gap in the fracture than before, everything is going very well and I am making progress. However, the fracture line is still there and he recommends 4-6 more weeks on crutches.

WHAT?!

He can see me tear-up. When I ask what else I can do to speed things up he asks me if I am taking calcium and magnesium supplements and I tell him I am and spinach shakes...I trail off and he lightly puts his hand on my knee and this is where I know I look quiet visibly upset and he tells me I am doing all I can do and to just rest and stay off the ankle. He'll see me in 4 weeks. I ask him for a prescription for the knee scooter/big tricycle I rented and he said I could pick it up at check-out. I go schedule my appointment for 4 weeks from now, December 9th...and we head home. I cry.

The rest of the day yesterday was actually quiet pleasant, I got a lot of sleep, then made quinoa and a pumpkin cranberry bundt cake. I got to spend the afternoon with my honey. I felt energetic, and positive. I wasn't going to let it get me down...I was bummed out, but I have mostly gotten used to the crutches, walker, wheel chair and the new rented tricycle.

I had actually totally prepared myself for this outcome since he said I should have been on crutches for at least 3 months to begin with and I had in fact only been on them for 4-ish weeks. So, though through meditation and positive self-talk for the last 4 weeks I had convinced myself I was in fact healed, I needed to make sure I was ready for the bad news too. And, here's the part where I ALWAYS drive myself crazy...Was I prepping myself for this bad news because I knew in my heart of hearts I was not quite so healed, or was I not quite so healed because I let myself doubt?

So, I now await December 9th...and try to figure out how I am gonna pull through it...I am gonna need to figure out how to car shop because that is dangerously close to my partner switching jobs to one further away. Close to me annoying the crap out of the lady who has been generous enough to take me to and from work. Close to Christmas and shopping and me just plain ol' needing my freedom and alone time in the car before work. So, today I just kinda accepted it...It didn't affect my mood as much as I thought, or feared...I did cry some yesterday morning, but I expected this to really piss me off. It hasn't. It wore me back out for a bit...

So, why feel sorry for myself now? What's the point? Where's my hobby...?

I was telling a co-worker about popcorners at a work function when she mentioned how much she loves popcorn. They sell them in the vending machines at work so I went to go grab a couple bags. The one pictured is the LAST ONE!!!

God I hope they re-stock...they were on sale at Pavilions, but then they sold out...I got a bag at Vons but then I ate it...I actually thought about keeping this last snack size bag for me, but now that I have admitted how deep this obsession goes I realize I may have a problem.

Punk history

(photo)

Chrissie Hynde, Deborah Harry, Viv Albertine, Siouxsie Sioux, Poly Styrene and Pauline Black