"And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?"

~ Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Oh wow, I've been gone all summer...just posting Saturday Happy Songs....and the pre-loaded posts ran out at the start of this month! oops, oh well.

I will have photos for you tonight. All the missing monthly photos.
This round of the depression is lifting. It will be a productive fall season.

Talk soon,
~Syd

Saturday Happy Song - Talking Heads - And She Was

Saturday Happy Song - Darbuka Solo - Hand Drums Music - Belly Dance

Saturday Happy Song - Bounce - Solace

Saturday Happy Song - Pet Shop Boys West End Girls

Saturday Happy Song - Ian Dury - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick

Saturday Happy Song - Dramarama - Anything, Anything

Saturday Happy Song - The Monkees - Zilch

Saturday Happy Song - Material Issue - Valerie Loves Me

Saturday Happy Song - The Clash - Sean Flynn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSWUKOPTt2g

Umm Kulthum - Alf Leila wa Leila

Saturday Happy Song - Led Zeppelin - For Your Life

Saturday Happy Song - Soundgarden - Fell On Black Days

(Source: h-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n, via h-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n)

Thank you Shimmy Mob 2017!
We raised $516 for Su Casa domestic violence shelter at the event, and $700 so far on the go fund me page! It was so much fun dancing with all these wonderful women on Saturday. Thank you so much to all who donated and came out!
Donations can still be made at: https://www.gofundme.com/dancetoendviolence

Saturday Happy Song - El Hakkale · Gizira Band

Photographer: Elle Yifan Xu
Designer: Mark Abenier, Aduké Couture
Hair/Makeup: Jenni Macdonald
Model: Eloise Yaskiw

(Source: darkbeautymag.com)

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily." ~ Zig Ziglar

Photo Update - March 2017

Wow, the depression caused me to miss the March AND April photo updates!

Things are looking up! Or, I had a really good day...I don't know. I did a grown-up thing I have been struggling with and scheduled my dental surgery today. It's gonna be several thousand more dollars debt put on a credit card, but it's my teeth. It's my health. I'm in my mid-thirties, I need to seriously focus on taking better care of myself. I will pay it off, I know I will. I just have to do it. So, that was a weight off my mind. Now I just have to get a credit card for it, and, hustle my ass off to pay it...
Anyway...

MARCH PHOTO UPDATE!!! 

Went to a screening of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane  with some girlfriends. It was in one of the beautiful old theaters downtown and was presented by FX channel and Cinespia (they put on the outdoor screenings in the cemetery over the summer) to promote the premier of Feud on FX. They spoiled us! We got a tin of mints with the Feud logo on them, a chapstick with the Feud logo, popcorn, candy, a drink (soda or bottled water) and a punch card for 3 cocktails, a make-over downstairs and...photos? I don't remember what the 6th punch was for...they were mostly gin based cocktails, and boy were they strong! I think the one pictured below is The Baby Jane, which was like, lemonade and gin. We didn't do the make-overs, it was too crowded, and we just were more interested in drinking...

 There was a tap dancer dressed like Baby Jane to warm up the crowed to live piano music. She would happily dance across the stage, then get really angry and stomp off, and then come back, in Baby Jane mood swing fashion.

 I didn't have old hollywood glamour attire, so I just opted for cleavage.

 The Boyfriend's Missing Persons tribute band (Noticeable Ones) played The Ventura Theater.

Boyfriend's Stone Temple Pilots tribute band (STP Experience) played at Bar 20 in Hollywood 2 days later.

March 15th is The Boyfriend's birthday. We went to the place that has the best mojitos this side of Cuba, Xiomara on Melrose. Such addicting spicy breadsticks! It wasn't till we were there that we found out the place sold and is closing!! :-( There is a sugar cane grinder behind the bar and they juice it right in front of you. We made up for the future loss by having 4 each.

Saint Patrick's Day party at work cause they took our cubes away and tried to ply us with booze to make it better.

New party supply tables we arrived to on Monday...Still got to sit next to the window, so, that was nice...

The company bought us box lunch that day to help make up for the desk upset. I found out this way that I really

like the tomato mozzarella sandwich from Corner Bakery. 

  We went to the Autoclub 400 like we do every year.

Pink is still the love of my life. 

Hi all,
I am dancing this Saturday, May 13th! It's in Downtown Long Beach in a Bellydance flash Mob celebrating World Belly Dance day. Dancing for a good cause to benefit of Su Casa Shelter in Long Beach, helping families affected by domestic violence for over 35 years. Please come on out and say hi!
If you are able to make a donation to Su Casa please go to:
https://www.gofundme.com/dancetoendviolence

Oops, another Saturday with no Saturday happy song.
Sorry about that guys!
I have been so pre-occupied with all the other stuff in life. Thankfully there has been a lot of creative stuff going on as well and I will try and share some of that with you soon. 

S-Town

I started S-Town, totally unaware of what it was about. I am halfway through chapter 4 and...crying. I can't decide if I can finish it. Even though I know I have to, it may take a really long time. The parallels between the protagonist and my father, this man's life and death, are startling.

I guess that's all the update I really have. I'm home sick. I have a company laptop and cell phone so there is no excuse not to get work done. I guess it's a kind of perk that I don't have to use sick days, and I hope I am paid out for them at the end of the year...though I doubt it. So, I'm working from home, listening to S-Town on NPR...and trying not to totally lose it.

Saturday Happy Song - The Dickies - Nights In White Satin

Saturday Happy Song - Tiger Army - In The Orchard

Saturday Happy Song - Yello - The Race

James Burton - Fools rush in

Ooh..no update in a while.

I'm still here, toiling away. The depression has gotten so bad I am in full hate myself mode. I haven't done anything about it and it's getting worse. So, I need to stop feeding it. I have to embrace spring, and sunshine and cleaning and go back to fighting for the things I want to do.

I signed up for Shimmy Mob today even though I can't really afford it. It's gonna make me dance again and I haven't been real great at doing that on my own...

So, that's something.

Saturday Happy Song, - The Presidents of The United States of America - Stranger

Saturday Happy Song - Gogol Bordello - Alcohol

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I had such hopes for this new job...
3 months in and I want to cry and stab people again. I really need to find something other than post production...

Saturday Happy Song - Slyck - Love It Or (Beat The Bush)

Photo Update Feb 2017 - Part 2

We went to 80's prom at The Fonda in Hollywood. It was fun. I went as Adam Ant, because he's amazing and it's a full costume I already have ready to go.

I'm really working on make-up and costume looks when I have free time...I think I got a better response from the white flowers than the dark mask, but I really like the juxtaposition when they are presented together.

I keep trying to down size my apartment and go through things and get rid of them. Went trough old VHS tapes, found a good one with my sister on it from 1999!!

 I made a greasy grilled cheese and deep fried my own french fries for Fat Tuesday with the aim of eating better for lent. AHAHA...right...I did realize I hate deep frying food, and should leave it to professionals.

Saturday Happy Song - James - Laid

 Totally forgot about this song till I heard it on the radio last week. This was one of my favorites. I miss the 90s.

Photo update Feb 2017 - Part 1

Valentines I made for the girlfriends of the other guys in Steve's band + one for a great friend Clarissa.(I could only manage this many this year, sorry I didn't get any out in the mail to anyone!!)

 My co-worker has a whole bunch of fruit trees in her backyard! She brought me all the beautiful citrus!

 Flowers for Valentine's Day from the aforementioned amazing Clarissa. ♥

 Last of my tomatoes from the plant I got at 99 cent store that Steve kept alive. 

 Screw the roses, I got Mexican food for Valentines day, cause he knows the real way to my heart! ♥

"I know a drugstore cowgirl, so afraid of getting bored. She's always running from something, so many things ignored."

~311

Ok, in a panicked moment I was calculating a gross income and a net income and got confused.
I'miss coming out about even...

So, now that I have adjusted (down) my health insurance and what I am contributing to my 401K, I actually make over a grand less PER MONTH at this job than I did at the last one.

I am so beyond fucked you guys. 

I have to stay off Facebook. God help me some of the people I know are huge fucking idiots. All the conservative crazies are on one friend list, and for awhile I thought it was amusing to check in, but, it's just depressing now...
And besides, I was given another show to oversee at work and I'm confused and fucking up all the time, so I should focus on that...social media is a good escape from all my actual worries and feelings, so I like it, but I think it might be helping my depression along. I have to go back to really trying for healthy habits and not just eating sugar all the time and hating myself. ..but it's been hard. 

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." 

~Orson Welles

Saturday Happy Song - Sum 41 - Fatlip

Those times you work with a bunch of crazy bitches and want to jump in front of a train...

Saturday Happy Song - Primus - Greet The Sacred Cow

check out loveboatinsanity!

Also, link to the original Satanic Toast video because it's too damn funny not to watch over and over.

Screw the roses. I got Mexican food for Valentine's day, cause he knows the real way to my heart.

 ♥

“Everyone needs fudge, Hildy. It's how God helps us cope.”
― Joan Bauer, Peeled

Shout out to @novimnet for her amazing Valentine’s day gift! I was laying on the couch sick and feeling sorry for myself when it arrived this weekend. You made my whole month!

Photo update - January 2017

So, last month in photos:

Although we were supposed to go to a friend's house for New Years Eve, I was there the night before to decorate, had a fight with my boyfriend, and was a little um...depressed about my birthday and getting older than I'd like to be for where I am in life. So, we stayed in. I flaked on my friend, and she had been so good to me, and bought me nice gifts and a cake, and I just couldn't get myself out the door. I realized that the entire 10 years me and Mr. So and So have been together we have never stayed home for New Years Eve. Never. It was wonderful, it was mellow, it got hot and steamy. And the best part? I have never run in the New Year at midnight with my Pink!! SO here is the first picture of 2017 with the love of my life, Pink (The Cat):

 So glad this champagne is actually tasty cause I bought it totally for the label:

 

Waiting for Steve so we can go to the beach cause that's what I wanted to do for my birthday:

I just wanted to be out in nature of some kind. We ended up at Topanga State Beach:

Sunset on the first day of 2017:

Cool underground bridge deal:

Pretty flowers my friend Mia gave me for my birthday:

 A couple days later the lily bloomed. I love lilies:

I made vegetarian chili fries;

  This is where I work now/ I sit on the left, and the crazy girl that sometimes doesn't talk to me sits on the right;

January birthdays at work, and though I didn't want to tell them it was my birthday, I did want a cupcake: