Hollydaze

photo:here

Hello all my lovelies!


How was your Solstice/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Santa Lucia/Yule?


I can't believe how fast the time flew by, but isn't that always the complaint? Time always flies by when your having a good time. I had a 4 day break for Christmas, and am now off work for my 5 day break for New Years! I have had a ball, for the first time in a long time. So much of it is due to the simple shift change this blog inspired. I am kinda blown away by the fact that just looking for the good part of everyday, has helped relax enjoy so much more. I'm sure the back to back mini vacations don't hurt either though!

I had a wonderful Solstice on Dockweiler beach with The Man*, had a nice bonfire, some food & drink, and watched the sunset. He took a little nap and I meditated the whole time, about and hour and a half! It was such an awesome break, if you have the chance to do a little focused breathing by the sea I would say go do it.


Christmas was wonderful, for the first time in years. This blew my mind, Xmas has always had some sort of stress monster chasing it around and this year was so much more pleasant.


And now, I am about to run out to San Francisco to see Les Claypool and Dweezil Zappa (heading up Zappa Plays Zappa) for New Years! Swoon!


I also got off my butt and did something of a photo shoot, even though the lighting kinda sucked. I am saving for a good piece of lightning equipment, till then I have flood bulbs and tin foil. It really turned out way better than I thought. So then I submitted a sample portfolio to the Hearst 8x10 Photography Biennial! Yes I really did, no more slacker-ness for me you hear!

I am doing this with list making. I am a write-absolutely-everything- down convert. Lists rule!

I will be back to send in all the details of NYE and the trip up north later, till then fill me in on your holidays. What did you get into?

~ Syd








*(forgot to mention that The Man is called this because he prefers to remain a wing man on my adventures through cyber spacey land, there will never be any reference to his real name or any photographs posted. It would be rockin if those of you that know him in "real" life respect this.)

Flood

Second song that makes me feel better. This is labeled on YouTube as the "original version", I don't know if that's true because the guy that seems to be singing is out of sink. There is another on there that has had the embed disabled, and I think that one is the official video.
Anyway! I remember this song from way back when on KROQ, then The Man played it in the car!

I am not really a religious person, and this band is christian...but I like it anyway...and this was supposed to be a quick post, so I'm done explaining myself already!

Less Stress

Hello again!

Wow how the time has gotten away from me, I can't believe it has been a week! It's Christmas time though and everyone is a little more distracted right now. I am making it good distractions though, deciding to live and enjoy the present moment.

I saw the doctor again on Friday, for a follow up on last months appointment. She says I still seem tense, and wants me to consider going back on anxiety meds. Lexapro to be exact. I took Lexapro for a long time, to the point I didn't think it was doing anything for me anymore. I was sick of rushing all the way across town for a silly little pill that was supposed to help even out my mood. No one was teaching me to make permanent changes to my mindset, they were just handing me pills. So it had to be stopped, and after tapering the dose down for about a month, it did.

I felt as though the window of my mind had been wiped clean, I felt, clearer. I was also just a little on edge, and didn't really have time for it. I jump the gun and get emotional before it's called for. Or assume the worst and freak. And so yeah, I'm on edge. But I hate having to rely on anything on a daily basis to make me feel normal. It sucks. I'm not talking about like, food and water.

So I am on a mission. A mission to re-learn how to deal with stress.
To be honest, I never learned this in the first place, both my parents are really really bad at it. My mother just lived her life in complete fear, she did very little and none of what she did was in accordance with her dreams of what life should be. She was also very swayed by what others thought of her. I have seen this in me too, if someone disapproves I will change my way of thinking and that is very far from right. If I think it won't work, or I have to talk to too many people I will re-think what I want to do. Gotta get over it!

So, #1 is living without fear.

To be continued.....!

You are Everything To Somebody

This is one of those silly e-mail chain letters, but it made me smile and I am always gratful for that so now I'm gonna share!

SMILE!

Right now at this very minute-----------


someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you


someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you


someone
wants to be with you



someone
hopes you aren't in trouble



someone
is thankful for the
support you have provided





someone
wants to hold your hand


someone
hopes everything
turns out all right






someone wants you
to be happy

someone
wants you to find them

someone is
celebrating your successes

someone
wants to give you a gift





someone
thinks you ARE a gift

someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot



someone
wants to hug you




someone
loves you


someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts






someone
admires your strength

someone
is thinking of you and smiling



someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on




someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun




someone
thinks the world of you



someone
wants to protect you


someone
would do anything for you



someone
wants to be forgiven




someone
wants to laugh with you about old times



someone
remembers you and wishes you were there



someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional



somebody
values your advice




someone
wants to tell you how much they care

wants to stay up watcg old movies with

someone
wants to share their dreams with you




someone
wants to hold you in their arms



someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms



someone
treasures your spirit



someone
wishes they could STOP time because of you




someone
can't wait to see you





someone
wishes that things didn't have to change




someone
loves you for who you are



someone
loves the way you make them feel





someone
wants to be with you


someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you





someone
is glad that you're their friend



someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you



someone
is alive because of you

someone
is wishing that you would notice them



someone
wants to get to know you better


someone
wants to be near you



someone
misses your guidance and advice


someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
has faith in you


someone
trusts you

someone
needs your support


someone
needs
you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

Good Connections

I am having panic attacks more and more often, and I have developed a tight chest thingy that is very frustrating. I went to the doctor, they did tests, and surprise! Nothing is wrong with me. Although she said I am much more stressed out then when she saw me in Feb.

So I am internalizing all the things that stress me out and over thinking most of the problems in my life, and I can't get out of my head! While I find out what works for me, and troll the Internet for all the things that have helped others, here is what IS helping so far. All in link form because I don't have a second to write about how I have put these to use yet.

Gain Control of Your Emotions
This is a wiki-how, and is so simple you can just read it over really quick when you get upset!

Be Happy
Another wiki-how. I like these and this one is another bullet points style, easy to read, little helper!

Free yourself from guilt
From Think Simple now, I love this women. She is one of my heroes.

Nineteen tips from 200 years ago
This whole site is good, but this list make me smile. And I always like finding out how people did things way back in the day!

Self Esteem test for women
This asks some good questions on how you feel about yourself. The rest of the site is a little confusing, but I like the fact that you need to reflect on yourself through this quiz, and the results.

Laughing all the way to hell

I am so glad there is music in this world. Music makes me so happy, it makes me wanna sing and dance, both of which feed your hungry soul. All kinds of awful days and horrible mood have been cured by music I love. My musical tastes run a large gamut, from jazz, and blues to punk and reggae I like it all.

That being said, it's kinda hard to pick just one style, type or band to be a favorite. Most people I know wouldn't be able to pick just one band as a favorite, there is just so much to like. So periodical I am gonna post a song that made me smile, or really helped lift my mood. Songs that I am grateful were written.

At running the risk of sounding like a huge dork, I like "New Wave" music and quite possibly my favorite band ever could be Oingo Boingo. Mmmm, actually I would say yeah, Oingo Boingo is my favorite band of all time. They just...rock.

The wonders of cleaning

Part 2 on grief is coming, I promise. In fact this post would be that post if I hadn't left my notes at home! Silly Sydney!

So today I am here to discuss the wonders of having a clean place. Whether that place is your room, your office at work, or your home, the cleaner it can be the better you will feel. Yesterday I had the day off and the apartment to myself, it was a hard day (a birthday of a now gone loved one) and one I was not looking forward to facing it alone. Yet there I was alone with a messy place, I had to focus. I had to focus to save my sanity and the place looked like a bomb hit it, so may as well clean. I decided on the bathroom and kitchen, as those are a little easier (I don't have to decide where to put stuff so it looks cute as I am having to do with the living room/bedroom), put on some music and dug in! It took about 4 hours, and even though afterward I could still smell the bleach in my nose, I had a cleaner house and a happy mood. Wow, I shoulda done before and after pictures!
I am so much more grateful for the space I live in now that it is a little tidier, and now I can focus more on the living room without the worry of the other two.

Tips:
Decide what you want to clean first. It can be overwhelming to clean the whole house at once, or even a whole room, break it down into bite size bits.

Music! I have to have something to listen to while I clean or I get lonely. The news is good too if it doesn't depress you, or the TV if you can clean and not get all caught up in watching it.

Don't over think it, just do it. When I start to look at all the junk piled up and working out in my mind where it will all go, I get overwhelmed. I always get more done when I jump right in, just walk over to the spot and pick something up, clean it off and put it in it's place. If there is a lot of stuff then organize into groups first then find a home for them, but start! Don't just think about it!

Chill out in your new clean space. Your all done! Grab a tea, chill out and pat yourself on the back for a job well done!

~Hell

Photo World of El Dude