Overcoming grief

With all that is happening in the world today, it is easy to get overwhelmed. It is easy to get lost, floating out in the middle of no where on a leaky raft.

We will have a new leader to the free world in two short months, but the changes Mr. Obama will set in motion in January will still take a while to have the desired effect, just like the down turn we are seeing now that started in September 2001. Although we hear about every move in the Presidential election, the government bailouts and rising cost of goods and services here in America, what if the state of the country is the least of your worries?

For a lot of people I know the economy is bottom of the 7 layer dip that makes up their lives. And although it went bad first the other six are all starting to rot as well. I know of at least 5 people that have died in the last 2 weeks, all friends or relatives of friends...or the guy that supposedly jumped from the top of the Arclight Theater parking lot last week (don't quote me, I still haven't found a news story).

So, how do you live a life of thanks, especially at this time of year with Thanksgiving being tomorrow, when someone you care about has left this life? There doesn't seem to be much to be grateful for, it takes time and love to heal the hole left your heart. Until then, how do you cope?

I am going to touch on a few ways to do just that in this two part article on Grief.

How do you live a grateful life when someone you love has died? How do you not hate the world? I don't think the problem lies in being un-grateful, or un-thankful. Those feelings and all the other ones we normally experience in our daily lives will go up and down on a crazy grief driven roller-coaster ride. Feelings of deep sorrow, regret, and anger can almost drown you yet, as you pass through such thoughts and emotions, a new sense of gratefulness for your own life will occur. You will become grateful for the time you spent with the person that has passed on, and for having your own life to carry on with. You can now go forward, see and experience the things they didn't get a chance to. That I feel is the ultimate highlight of death, it makes you grateful for your own life. This feeling usually comes with the last stage of grief, acceptance.

The person you love has passed on, to another place we are not able to go to at this stage in our lives, and although we miss them we are still here. This is hard, I was so used to seeing certain people that are now gone, I was almost waiting for them to come back and tell me what it was like to die. They would just walk in one day and say "oh dude! It was so cool, you shoulda been there!"
But I'm not. I'm still here. And sometimes, the pain is awful.
To relieve this mind shaking realization that the person you love is not going to be able to tell you this:
Take your mind off them. I know, it sounds cruel at first that you would think of anyone but the one you lost at a time like this, but it is very helpful in saving your sanity.

*Meditate
Take a few minutes a day (it really doesn't have to be much, just enough to get a grip on your thoughts, 5 minutes will even work in a pinch) and breath deeply and focus. This can be really hard for me, especially in the last few months focus has flown right out the window. But, when I do get a grip, I feel so much better. Breath deeply, focus on that breath. How it feels moving past your nose, how it feels to inflate your lungs. And think of a calm place, a wide pasture, the beach, the woods, your backyard; and repeat to yourself that all is right with the world, that you are at peace. I like to tell myself I am OK, I know this sounds corny and you’re thinking that it silly to talk to your self, but it helps. "I AM" on the in breath, "OK" on the out breath. So you are continually breathing in and out while repeating "I AM OK".

If you have the time, deeper meditation is key to helping you focus on long term goals of well-being and peace. Find a place you won't be disturbed, and get comfortable. Either by sitting up with your legs crossed, or laying down on your back (for deep meditation I like to sit because otherwise I risk falling asleep!), sitting on a chair is good too, but you want to sit upright, with almost a sense of pride, your chin level with your bent legs. Don't slouch into a ball. Close your eyes, or if you prefer you can focus JUST your eyes (not your whole head, keep that chin level) down and slightly in front of you, till they go out of focus a little. And form a picture of what you would like to accomplish. Do you want to take over the world? Buy a new car? Just be able to move through your day while dealing with depression? Just want to feel "OK"
Create a clear picture of yourself doing just that, as if it was already part of your life. From there it is simple to find a mantra to work with this picture, "I rule the world", "I drive a brand new BMW", "I am OK".

Anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour is good for this, again concentrate on your breath, repeat your mantra you have worked out for yourself. Go into deep detail about the task you want to accomplish until you are satisfied with the level of calm you are in, and then gently bring yourself out of your trance. It is helpful to ring a bell, or have a stereo nearby and turn up the volume a little at a time till you fell more awake. Stretch and open your eyes wide, slowly get up. You have just brought your blood pressure way down, so if you are sitting or laying on the floor be extra gentle with yourself so you don't fall down!

There are also some wonderful CDs that can help with this; it's how I got started on meditation in the first place! The tapes I had were so cheesy, the guy was from New York, heavy accent, and the bell at the end kinda freaked me out because I got so focused I forgot he was gonna ring it again when it was time to stop. But I kept at it and really began to look forward to extra time I had to but one of the tapes on. I am going to look into a few cool ones, till then I would recommend the following links, just to get a groove going, meditation is a very personal thing and to get started and find what works for you is the first step in a more focused recovery of your life, or, a loved ones death.
wikihow

Next time:
Laughing and drinking, the power and the pitfalls.
Kisses!
-Hell