Hey!
That last post was post 1,000! Whoot! Not bad for a blog about life rants, pictures and quotes. Haha

I meant to get a post in before the Saturday Happy Song, cause that would have been post 666...and then I wasn't able to get to it because work and life are a little crazy right now...

So this is my 667th post on this blog!

WHOOT!

Links

So, I'm gonna stop aiming for Friday links, it just doesn't seem to work for me. Fridays always seem to be the busiest for me at work lately, and then the weekend starts...it's hard for me to pre-load the links posts like I do for most of the Saturday Happy Songs because I need to build the links posts. It takes a lot of time and attention, even more so if I am gonna give a blurb about what the links are or what I like about them...And I just haven't been sure if that is worth it in a little while.

So, here is a bug dump of all the things I have liked or found compelling or worth sharing on the internet since the last time I gave you a links dump a couple weeks ago. Enjoy! :) ♥ 

♥Chinese Factory Workers and the Toys They Make
This was amazing. It is a photo study called 'The Real Toy Story' by German-born photographer Michael Wolf. He did a whole gallery instillation using toys made in China held to the metal walls of the gallery with magnets.

♥Amy Poehler writes a short essay about her job the summer she was 17

This pumpkin:

 

(photo)

♥'Classic Rock Stars At Home With Their Parents' LIFE Photo Series

Especially this one of Frank Zappa and his parents and cat:

♥The Starwood: Home of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
I love the punk community...

♥Best Halloween Events In L.A.

Which, through it's amazing header photo that I LOVE of a young girl entering The Bates Motel introduced me to:

♥Carolyn Hampton Photography
LOVE! What an amazing photographer.

♥Malala Yousafzai on The Daily Show:


♥Brides Throwing Cats Instead Of The Bouquet

♥We've all wished we could put tiny clothes on a hamster

♥“500 DAYS IN DOWNTOWN L.A.” Walking Tour

♥Haunting Photos Of 'Dead Man's Curve' Vehicle Graveyard

♥Joni Bakaradze Mummy: Mother Claims To Have Preserved Son's Body For 18 Years Using Alcohol

♥'Shark Cat' Is The Most Important Song To Hit The Internet

♥Maria Tallcheif died... :(

Photos coming out of my..

Thought I would start to sort my photo archive that is all in pieces after my drive crashed and had to be recovered...just kind scrolled through and stared in wonder.

So many thousands of photos. This will take a long time...I wish so much of creating and work wasn't about sitting on your ass in front of a computer. I sit all day at work, I sit all night at home.

Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsit

There's a camera function!!

Wow! Only 5 minutes into the game we have a game changer!

In celebration here is a picture of my fractured ankle in my walking boot. Enjoy

Blogging by phone - I finally got the Blogger app

Well, it required me being a fricking temporary cripple, but I finally searched for and downloaded the Blogger app for my phone! I can blog on the go now people!

Stay tuned for more posts void of content and full of random pictures!

When you ask who the hell I've been texting all night the answer will be no one! I was blogging!

Oh...Facebook has lost a little more of it's charm.

3 years gone, never forgotten

Hi guys, Happy July!

June 24th stuck in my head all day, and I couldn't figure out why, till a whole day later. The brain has been fried, I'll update you on my personal life next, this right here is important.

June 24th, 2010 is the day my friend Ila Packman was senselessly stabbed to death.

In THIS POST in December of 2012 I shared the surveillance video of the people they suspect killed Ila, or at very least have some information on his death. That post has had an increase in traffic this last week, and for the first time someone commented on it. On June 25th, and I was reminded of what the 24th was. Then others commented. All friends and loved one's of Ila's. Hi guys, nice to meet you all, so sorry this is why...

Anyhow, I have a much larger audience on a much more regular basis now, with about 75 page-views a day (I know, this isn't "a lot" or anything, but it's new to me) I am hoping more people will see this this time.

Ila's mom commented on the original post and informed that the reward is $55,000 if money happens to be something that motivates you.  She's a mom who lost her son to senseless violence if helping other humans is something that motivates you.

WATCH THIS VIDEO, then: SHARE THIS VIDEO. SHOW THIS VIDEO TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING PLEASE, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING. 


 

Russia is in the lead!

 

(photo)

This month my largest non-U.S. readership comes from Russia! 

Hello Russia! 

Здравствуйте Россия!

many things for May

Prolific month so far 'eh? Amazing things happen when one avoids facebook and amps up bullshit posts on ye old blog instead.

Me being pissed at facebook = more posts for you!

So, yeah, lots of the extra stuff that's seriously just pictures around here lately is all the stuff I like on facebook and don't want to share on there because, I just don't feel like participating over there. So, yay! More posts for you!

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The auto-bio entry #2

So, it's the 1980's, the setting is Venice, California.

Now what?

Oh, yeah, I tell you the shit I remember and try to spin it into some kind of pretty tapestry of words...

The very idea of this makes me itch to wax poetic about my high school years in the 90's...a friend of mine posted this thing on the increasingly frustrating facebook about the differences in yourself and how you react to the world in your early 20's versus your late 20's. For whatever reason I thought about high school, and how sweet and innocent it all was. Seemed. Seems now, in my far off memories of it. It was also a huge clusterfuck that I barely survived much like most of the rest of my life up to this point, but at least I was not completely aware of how much of a clusterfuck it was at the time...

Anyhow...let's see, some other fact's of life...I was home-schooled. Or, well, I was actually what some groups now call "unschooled" for the first 12 years of my life. I was taught whatever seemed like a good thing to teach that day. My mom did a good job of finding out about lots of books to teach from at the Venice Library. Back when it looked like this:

 (photo)

And was in the building on California and Electric Ave. that is now the Vera Davis McClendon Family Center.So many memories in this building...I went to so many events here, my sisters and I grew up in this library. 

Anyhow, I was taught to read, write, spell horribly, cook, sew, clean the windows, all from home! I also learned the basics of the combustible engine, how to change the wax ring in the bottom of the toilet, how to pick both a pad lock and door lock with a piece of music wire and the great importance of Jazz music on not only American history but on the family unit. This last was due to the fact that my father came from a deep network of Chicago Jazz musicians and was taught how to play drums by none other than Joe Morello while his father (my grandfather) had an after jam session conversation with Dave Brubeck in the living room.

Vote on what kind of stuff you read!

Vote on what kind of crap I should post about! For fun. Cause I'm bored. Poll is on the sidebar of the blog. On the right. See it? No, no, upper right.
Yeah, there ya go. ;)

Progress - Definition of:

prog·ress  (prgrs, -rs, prgrs)n.

1. Movement, as toward a goal; advance.

2. Development or growth: students who show progress.

3. Steady improvement.  as of a society or civilization: a believer in human progress.
4. A ceremonial journey made by a sovereign through his or her realm.

(link)

Backsliding

It was a hard week...
Thanksgiving was, hard. Thanksgiving weekend was also hard, and so for the last week and a half I have been backsliding into sadness and bad habits. It's been gloomy and rainy all week as well, which hasn't helped. I did go to belly dance last Tuesday, but that and a half-assed walk on Monday are all the exercise I did last week. I can feel myself getting fatter again.

Blah.

Gotta get back on that horse tomorrow. Back to the back lot hills, the meditation, jounal-ing, eating smart. I ate so much sugar today...

Last Monday a life changing event came to pass, and I have yet to be able to completely allow the relief wash over me. I have learned so well that any type of relief in my life that allows me to let my guard down is false. That I personally should never let my guard down, for any reason, cause it only comes back to haunt me. I have been told, by a couple people, but most noticeably by a gifted dance master I desperately wanted acceptance from, that when I let my guard down I become lazy and my work unacceptable. SO, in turn I am either anxious and over working, or I give up on any good coming from anything I do and become depressed and despondent...and now that I have articulated this in words I sound manic and crazy.

Fabulous.

SO, right now I feel fat, sad and...well, crazy.

Back on that horse tomorrow...get back on that horse.

Back to stick my finger in this outlet

Back,

I’m back to this forum, to use this outlet, to improve myself, my ideas. To have a place to vent, a public place, but a place nonetheless. Don’t misunderstand me, I also journal, but this spot helped and was a wonderful repository for the things I was thankful for, the things that made me smile and the things that inspired me. I need that now, more than ever probably. This was a place where I could vent about being Sydney C. and all the frustrations that life brought her, while feeding and nurturing Sydney Hell, the woman I wanted to be. The alter-ego that was a little more outspoken; a lot more creative, and much more at peace. Sydney Hell was never, fully alive in any form, not strong enough to stand on her own 2 feet, and Sydney C. had so much on her plate, so much…survival to concern herself with that my concentration needed to be there. Then, one dark and cold September morning in 2011, Sydney C. was killed, bullet straight through the heart. An angry, confused, lost, resentful, catty, self-destructive bitch left in her place. She had all this stuff she left behind, and all these responsibilities to take care of, all these people that needed her, this fancy new corporate job that destruct-o bitch was gonna have to maintain if she wanted to eat…so, destruct-o bitch has had to pick Sydney C. up and Meat-Puppet her around for over a year, making her smile, forcing focus, pretending to care. A year…the longest, shortest, strangest, most painful year of my entire life so far; I do hope it gets better from here on out, but I hold little hope, hope for anything at all died with Sydney C. A year, and a month actually, almost 13 moths to the day today that my entire world turned on its head, a year that has left me, tired, sad, and, uninspired.

I know I have done end of year reviews in the past, and have highlighted the things that were good, the things that changed me, the things I learned, tried to take the lesson away, tried to see the best. Every year is a mixed bag, and the start of 2011 was amazing for me, things were starting to work. I was creative, productive, inspired. I had 2 showings of my photography, was working constantly (freelance, no insurance, but was delusional enough to think it was gonna last.), I got an interview and then a job at one of the largest studios in the world, and then had the insurance and stability I so desperately needed. I had purpose, on many levels, for the first time.

Then, my dad killed himself, and it all went down the drain. I lost myself in the pain and confusion. Even though there had been good earlier that year, it didn’t matter, even though there is always possibility for good in the future, that didn’t matter either. There was (is, has been, always will be) pain. Nothing but pain. Do you remember the 1990’s movie Death Becomes Her? And at some point Goldie Hawn’s character is shot through the middle and since she is basically undead it leaves a hole? 

Yeah, that’s what I feel like every day. I hear, from other “survivors of suicide” that this is the way they all feel, always, it doesn’t go away, you simply learn to live with it. Like, a person with chronic back problems, or someone that lost a leg in battle, you learn work arounds to live with the pain. Lovely.

I’ve jammed the hole with all kinds of stuff, trying to fill it up. It’s left me tired, upset and…well, still blown half apart. The point I started to realize this wasn’t going to help, was after purchasing a case of Two-buck-chuck at Trader Joe’s, and then about a week and a half later, my partner, trying to make room in the pantry, lined up the bottles left on the counter. There were 4. 4 bottles of wine left. We drink together, and I’ve seen him drink this whole week, and didn’t see him drink much of this wine. When doing the math and consulting him I realized I had had about 1 bottle of wine a night, all by myself. Shit. At about this same point it came to my attention that I did not fit into any of my clothes any longer, and my skin was a mess. I cried(and this was before stressing my back out of whack and somehow compounding 2 ribs into my left lung. Surprised the hell out of the chiropractor). I cried and he held me and listened to me vent about how much food and drink and crap I had tried to jam in the hole. How the hole was just as large as ever and I was starting to look and feel worse. That was May of this year. Now, I know I’m not a full blown alcoholic, or drug addict, I’m not here telling you how I’m homeless and have been fucking people to get to my next hit of heroin or my next bag of speed. I know there are a lot  of people that have it a LOT worse than I do. I know many of them. We are still living in a god damned depression in this country and I personally know many people that have gone home to live with their parents, or  are sleeping in their cars, or in parking lots and have no jobs. But, this is enough for me, like I said, I’ve lowered my standards, my expectations, on everything.

So, I’m back to use this as an outlet again as a means to a more fulfilling life. I didn’t need to explain my journey to anyone reading this either, so if you rolled your eyes and said I’ve never seen pain then go fuck off home. This is my space and I’ll use it as I like. I did this to vent and…give insight to the lurkers out there, cause I’m a lurker to a lot of strangers that I follow, and I do actually care even if I have said little to them ever. So, for those of you that like me: Stick around, I’ll post some pretty shit with inspiring quotes under it and crap.

~Sydney

The B.W.O. Yo!

 I would like to take advantage of the fact that I am sitting in front of my computer not for work, and inspired all at the same time to tell you a great idea brought about by one of my favorite artists.



Look to your right. You see that cute little badge? It makes me feel all the better about writing when I  feel the inclination to do so.


The Amazing Tiffany Electra X, the brains and beauty behind Tartx. I have a few of her gorgeous necklaces, love them! (I am not being paid for this shamelss plug, I really do love this gal's stuff). While rummaging through her blog I came across this great POST and that great badge about Blogging without Obligation. 



Ms. X talks about how much she hates to see (read) people stressing out about not posting often enough, or how bad the feel about not producing enough content or at the prescribed pace you have set for yourself. The thing is, you have set it for yourself. In a forum you have created, originally, for yourself, no? If this is your creative outlet, you should enjoy it! Blog without the stress baby!