Dear Sydney,

You cannot, under any circumstances, visit the various and extremely tempting candy bowls in the office today. Or, tomorrow. Nor are you able to eat anything other than vegetables for dinner tonight. Last night's entire bag of Chicago Style popcorn for dinner fiasco was shameful, embarrassing and damaging. You're in your 30s girl, get a grip.

Sincerely, healthy Sydney trapped inside emotionally unstable eater Sydney

    

99 Reasons to Start Meditating by: Trista Thorp

There’s big buzz around meditation, and for good reason. Research points to this once fringe practice as a highly effective technique for improving your life overall. With benefits ranging from physiological to psychological to spiritual, and scientific research to back its validity, there’s really no reason anyone shouldn’t be meditating at this point. Corporations, professional sports teams, school systems, and celebrities all recognize the value of adopting mindfulness-based lifestyle practices as part of their daily routine.

If you’re still not convinced, here are 99 reasons to start meditating, from the light-hearted to the scientific, and everything in between.

    Helps you better manage stress

    Boosts your social life

    Helps you accomplish more by doing less

    Cultivates compassion

    Enables you to become present in the moment

    Leads you to, and connects you with, your purpose

    Lowers your blood pressure

    Gives you laser focus

    Heightens your intuition

    Improves your memory

    Makes you a nicer person

    Broadens your perspective

    Gives you Jedi-like skills

    Reduces irrational reactivity

    Increases your immunity

    Cultivates more loving relationships

    Helps you let go of defensiveness

    Lowers your heart rate

    Enhances sensory perception

    Helps you achieve better grades and/or higher test scores

    Decreases inflammation

    Taps your creativity

    Improves problem-solving abilities

    Lands you cooler friends

    Makes you more giving

    Boosts your happiness

    Deepens your connection to the Self and others

    Increases your emotional intelligence

    Accesses higher states of consciousness

    Improves your sex life (yes!)

    Leads to self-discovery

    Decreases anxiety and depression

    Makes you resilient in tough times

    Expands your awareness

    Opens you to greater possibilities

    Helps you let go of baggage

    Gives you a richer life experience

    Hones mental strength

    Helps you discover who you really are

    Encourages peace of mind

    Reduces impulsive behavior

    Teaches you about forgiveness

    Promotes more restful sleep

    Evokes feelings of lightness

    Discourages the victim mentality

    Allows you to step into your power

    Guides you to make more conscious choices

    Helps you to get out of your mind and into your heart

    Leads to cultivation of a spiritual practice

    It’s easier than you think

    Helps you get to know your thoughts (so you can change them)

    Improves metabolism

    Improves exercise

    Makes you less judgmental

    Alters the genetic expression of your DNA

    Increases your energy

    Enhances your connection with nature

    Makes you more fun to be around

    Helps you connect more deeply with your children

    Improves your ability to communicate effectively

    Reduces signs of aging

    Improves your listening skills

    Generates helpfulness

    Helps you fight diseases

    Improves heart rate and respiration

    Promotes cellular regeneration

    Enhances gratitude

    Makes you more successful

    Helps you become more proactive

    You can do it anywhere—no studios, gyms, or props needed

    Improves functioning of your brain

    Improves conflict resolution

    Strengthens bonds with your pets

    Makes you fall in love with Apple products

    Lessons your desire to control other people

    Reduces negative emotions

    Improves overall athletic performance

    Helps you roll with the punches

    Improves digestion

    Makes you want to do nice things for the planet

    Enhances collaboration

    Enables you to find the silver lining in challenging scenarios

    Builds self-confidence

    Increases job satisfaction

    Provides greater levels of tolerance

    Reduces road rage

    Balances mind, body, and spirit

    Activates the parasympathetic nervous system

    Deepens your capacity for love

    Develops greater will power

    Makes you more outgoing and fun

    Enhances dream recollection

    Helps you develop patience

    Helps with headaches and migraines

    Decreases muscle tension

    Slows aging of the mind

    Enhances your memory

    Everyone else is doing it

    It’s free!

Just as the phrase implies, “the answers are within.” A daily meditation practice will teach you about yourself, others, and the world you live in. You will tap into your own truth without the influence of society or the validation of others. And, the level of insight and clarity you glean from within is the catalyst for unparalleled personal development and self-evolution. This is how you become the best version of yourself. This is how you create personal transformation, and it’s how you effect global change.

- See more at: http://www.chopra.com/ccl/99-reasons-to-start-meditating?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=Newsletter%20150526&utm_campaign=May#sthash.5ywdQJuY.dpuf

365photochallenge - Day 13

 

Day 13 - First day back at lunch pilates/yoga at work. Felt SO good. I LOVE this class!

A recent study done by The Conversation has drawn the same conclusion that music lovers have known for years: Dancing with others is good for your health. People are drawn to music for many different reasons. Whether it be spiritual, emotional, physical, or cultural, music has been a part of the human experience for thousands of years. The innate desire to move to a beat is a quality that we are all born with. Seriously, even babies do it.
While dancing can be taught and practiced to perfection, every single human has a natural ability to synchronize to a beat. It is one of the building blocks of humanity that continues to evolve just as humans do. As The Conversation notes in their study, “it turns out that when you synchronise even a small movement, like the tapping of your finger in time with someone else, you feel closer and more trusting of that person than if you had tapped out of time.”
The rave community is well-versed in this simple scientific fact. People love good music and love a good show, but what really makes the EDM genre truly powerful is the community that accepts everyone and anyone. When you dance with others, whether it be moving to the same beat or dancing in synchronicity, the individual merges into a collective whole. “When we watch someone else do the same thing at the same time as us, our brain ends up with a merged sense of us and them. It feels like we ‘become one,” the study concludes.
The Conversation took things one step further to test additional benefits of dancing in synchronicity with others. The study took place in Brazil, where 264 young people participated in various dancing activities that were synchronized versus non synchronized and high-exertion versus low-exertion. The study measured pain tolerance and feelings of closeness before, during, and after the dancing activities.

“Not surprisingly, those who did full-bodied exertive dancing had higher pain thresholds compared to those…in the low-exertion groups….we also found that synchronisation led to higher pain thresholds, even if the synchronised movements were not exertive. So long as people saw that others were doing the same movement at the same time, their pain thresholds went up.”

So basically, dancing in any synchronization with others increases your pain tolerance and helps you to connect with others. Music literally is group therapy – a concept that EDM champions Above & Beyond is quite familiar with. Moral of the story? Tap into those primal desires and dance!

It’s good for you.

(source)

The Raleigh Twenty

 The Raleigh Twenty was my bicycle in high school. Now that I think about it, it was my first bike. The first one that wasn't a hand me down or something I shared. Though, everything in our house was community property for the most part, and things I was given by my father turned out to end up being his, or other peoples later when he thought them unsuitable for me at some point (have I told the story of my first car? Remind me to tell you the story of the first car.) So, when I was not interested in this bike anymore, and he had brought home the more fashionable beach cruiser for my younger sister and I to ride, this was just sort of absorbed into his collection.

His friend Leann was...having a yard sale? Had just acquired more collectibles?  I don't recall...I remember standing in her front yard, of the lovely little house she rented on 10th and...Pearl-ish area of Santa Monica and my father loving this bike. Trying to talk her into parting with it, he said "Sydney needs a  bike!" She asked if I did, and did I like this one. I said yes, to both questions. I really did like the bike. I really did hope it was going to be mine, and not a thing he was telling other people was for me, but was really for him. (This was never intentional really, things just mattered more to my dad than most people and so if you were not interested he would say you were so he could get something, or if you lost interest in it he wold save it from the trash. Everything had a use and a meaning to him.)

The bike was mine throughout junior high and high school. My sisters were not interested, he had many bikes, all used and rusted; but this one was always so charming. It had so much more personality than the others. After the beach cruiser became more practical I lost track of this bike, it went into his Santa Monica storage, then moved to Culver City storage, and when he passed away I reclaimed it. Leann asked if I still had it, and I kept it, either for her or I to restore and ride. It has now been 4 years. I am pairing down my things, trying to totally liberate myself from the clutter and chaos in my apartment, and I am just not going to restore this bike. I have to let it go.

I have known this for, I don't know...a year? I am not totally sure why it came with us when we moved in May 2012. The lady that lived upstairs from us in Palms asked if I was willing to sell it, and it didn't feel right. That's the only way I know how to explain holding onto this thing for 4 years. It never felt right to let it go. For a month I have tried to motivate myself to post the thing on craigslist, it's been hot, I've been busy. For whatever reason I got out and did it Sunday.

Then, I panicked. I have to let it go. I could hear my father say the price I was asking was too low, it's an antique! It's worth money! But, it's very rusted...if it is going to get restored, you can't sell too high. Crap...I'm going to have to let this thing go!! He would be so mad at me..but what am I going to do? Schlep it around for the rest of my life? I do not have the time or money to put into this thing when photography (his and mine) and dance are calling.

I had an email from a man named Jon Sunday night, just his number, just asking to call. I put it off. Other emails asked about the bike Monday morning, but we go in order of who asked first.

He sounded European, and a little older on the phone. He said this was the bike he rode throughout his school years in Philadelphia. Even in the snow! He loved this bike. He had been searching awhile. I told him I would text him the address, and be home at 6:30pm. I warned him it was gonna really need some work. It had been neglected. At 5pm he texted to say he was leaving his house now. I confirmed I would not be home till 6:30. He responded "NP".

 

 I go home, unlock the bike, and say a formal goodbye. I thank her for her many years of service, tell her I always loved her and I always will. I acknowledge out loud I can hear my father arguing with me I am making a mistake, but I can not care for this bike. If there is a person that will appreciate her and can put time and money and love in, that's where the bike belongs. I kiss her handlebar, say goodbye and pull her out of the carport.

Jon texts right then he is parked in the alley behind my building.

I waddle forward with the bike, approach a white Prius with dark tinted windows, and a man with white hair and glasses emerges. "Jon?"
"Yes, yes hello Sydney nice to meet you!"
He takes a look at the bike. "Oh yes, this is it. I rode this bike all over Philadelphia when I was in school. Even in the snow! I would ride over to my wife's house then, when we were dating, and lean against it and wait for her to come outside. Her father would tease her. Say I was crazy for riding my bike in the snow."

Oh my god.

I tell him this is just what I was hoping for. Not someone that needed extra metal for scrap. Or someone that didn't know what they were buying, but someone that would appreciate and put love into this bike.

He looks closer, and realizes the rust is pretty bad. He has a guy, he's bringing him the bike tomorrow, and he said to be sure there is not too much rust. He asks my price again, his eyes are bad and he wasn't sure what I was asking. He winces when I tell him. I knock $15 more off and he hands it to me and starts opening the hatchback on the car. I tell him to please keep my info and send me a picture when the bike is finished. I've had it since high school, I really intended to restore it myself, but I have not had time or money. I am so pleased I found him, I am so happy he wants to restore it. He gasps and then smiles when he hears this, "it was your bike in school too?!" He assures me he will send photos. We both have a good laugh about how you can't be sure who you are going to meet on craigslist and we are both so pleased this was such a positive interaction. He says he is so relieved that after driving all this way it worked out. That's when I find out he came all the way from Laguna Niguel!! Almost 70 miles in rush hour traffic for a bike he's been searching for for years.

Sometimes you wait and don't know why. Sometimes you hesitate and can't explain. I held onto a rusty bike for 4 years and moved it 20 miles because my gut told me to and in the end, the bike got the home it deserved.

Sorted another box of my dads tonight.
Got to the bottom, some old dust clumps, some, tape or string...? Can beat it out outside and get rid of it. Looked closer...

My hospital bracelet from the day I was born.
I cried. I thanked him. I felt like he was there. Tried to hold his hand.
Grateful for the little things tonight...passing moments with the otherworld...I felt at peace and so thankful for moments like this to process my feelings.

And, other parts of me are so pleased with the proof that you shouldn't dump all your dead fathers things in a dumpster the weekend after he died like some people worked so hard to do..HA MOTHERFUCKERS!! 

ah depression.
So warm, so soft...so welcoming. It would be so easy to just slide into your arms and eat ice cream and watch youtube videos in bed till I fell asleep...

Instead I will drill the 3/4 shimmy until my bad ankle hurts.Or until I fall over from tired.

Maybe I'm just tired? I am really bad when I'm tired, I don't eat well, I am grumpy. Pretty sure this is a layer of tired on top of depressed. Either way, I have to err on the side of fighting the depression and use one of my managers. The area I need most improvement in is dance, so I'll do that. Other managers are cleaning, playing ukelele, hiking, yoga, meditation, singing out loud with music or watching a favorite movie or tv show or youtube. How do you guys fight the funk?

Article is from here:

It had some interesting stuff. I enjoyed.

The Final Obstacle Is Us

The Final Obstacle Is Us

by: Elizabeth Gilbert

Almost every night during book tour, I end up talking about the same subject with my audience. My audiences are pretty much entirely composed of women (though I love you, too, my emotionally-secure male who dare to come to my events!) and invariably there will be a woman in the crowd who will stand up and ask how to get courage to … well, whatever. Courage to write her book, courage to change her life, courage to travel alone, courage to endure her sorrows, courage to leave her toxic relationship, courage to start her own business, courage to stand up for herself.

Now Is the Time for Women

I always begin my response by saying something along these lines—that it is down to us now. There has never been a better moment in human history than right now to be a woman. While there are still huge stretches of earth where the lot of womankind remains trapped in subjugation, the industrialized modern western world is the best environment women have ever had—the best and only shot we ever got at full personhood.

The life that I was offered, in comparison to the lives of my great-grandmothers, is so radically different that I might as well be a new human species altogether. I am a female with biological, political, financial and emotional autonomy. Such a thing was never heard of before. Ever.

Could things still be better for women? Yes, of course, and I fight for that, as we all must. Do we have perfect parity yet? Maybe in Sweden, but certainly not everywhere. Is there still discrimination and stupidity? Sure. Will there always be? Probably. But the fact remains—nobody in the history of womankind ever had a better chance to manifest his or her own life than us, right now.

The Internal Obstacle

Many of the big external obstacles (political, legislative, cultural) have been cleared for us by the great and brave women who came before us. We stand on their shoulders and we should be grateful.

But now we are left to battle the lingering prejudices in our own minds that convince us we are not worthy—not good enough, not strong enough, not talented enough, not brave enough. We must battle the residual interior voice that says things like:

• We are not important
• We shouldn't raise our hand
• We shouldn't ask to lead the project
• We shouldn't run for office
• We don't deserve a promotion
• We can't set boundaries
• We can't have a child alone
• We can't support ourselves
• We can't defend our vocations
• We can't apply for that grant or that graduate program
• We can’t define our own spiritual and emotional lives
• We shouldn't speak up and say, "No, let's do it my way."

We must battle the interior prejudice that says we aren't perfect yet, in other words, and therefore we must hold ourselves back.

And while it's understandable that about a billion years of being beat down would keep a woman believing she is imperfect, we really have to get past that obstacle in ourselves. Because I've said it before and I'll say it again: Imperfection never stopped men from putting themselves forward. SO DON'T LET IT STOP YOU. (I don’t say that as an insult to men, either; I like that they throw themselves into the arena of life. I want us to do it, too.)

Get out of your own way, women. It's time. And nobody can do this part for you. No act of Congress (no social or political legislation) can get you out of your own way. Gloria Steinem can't get you out of your own way, and neither can Oprah, Brené Brown, Martha Beck, Hilary Clinton, your uncle's dog, your mother's cat, or me.

Don't wait to be rescued or discovered by anyone, and for heaven's sake, don't wait to be given permission from the principal's office to take full ownership of your own destiny. You’ve got to do it yourself.

Step forward out of your own lingering residual sense of smallness, take up every inch of life that is your blessed inheritance, and start doing your thing. Today.

It's down to us now—down to you. And there’s never been a better moment than right now.

Let’s get on it.

"To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past." 
— Charles J. Givens

"Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed, it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart."  —Margo Anand

"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity."

~Hippocrates

The Ankle Chronicles - post 3 of who the fuck knows - another update

Day 20:
I can walk in the "walking boot" if it is super inflated and I don't walk for long distances. I can go to the office restroom for example, or kinda to the office kitchen. Sorta, it's kind of far away.

Back at work today after the last long weekend for a while. So happy to be out of the heat of home, but also want a nap by this time in the day. Meh, it's Tuesday that is actually Monday. Lots of work to do, little concentration..I'll feel better after lunch I'm sure.

Work

(photo)

 

I just won't be doing this work through running...haha.

YOU

 

(photo)

Funk

Funk.

And, not the good kind played by amazing people like George Clinton or Bootsy Collins...
The last 3 or so days have just been, weird. I feel weird and unmotivated and like I want to just go hide under the covers with my book and about a pound of chocolate covered marshmallows.

Fuck I love chocolate covered marshmallows.

See, and there's the other thing, I want to eat and be depressed. Not good. No. Not in the least. I fed this beast for 5 fucking months last year. It took me till March of this year to get over Christmas...I was doing so well...What now?

Last week was so much better, so much more full. I worked my ass off in like 4 classes in the gym at work, I was exhausted but felt amazing. It was the free week to try the gym and the woman I walk with encouraged me to join her in her classes. By the end, Thursday night, I thought I was gonna fall over. I wanted to go lay in a hot tub for the rest of my life.

I so looked forward to the long weekend, and so needed it when it arrived and then didn't know what to do with myself. Friday was good, ran a bunch of errands, got stuff done. Kinda...Then there was Arrested Development and reading and I got the bathroom clean and went to yoga...and completely avoided cleaning my bedroom...again.

Monday came and we tried to figure out how to spend it and I felt restless. I wanted to just go drive, drive in the sunshine and soak up the warmth and energy and fire and let it heal me and make me whole. We went and got boba at the outdoor part of the mall and got in the pool. I still hate boba by the way...I wasn't sure for a second, but nope, don't care for it. Then, I took on the bedroom. Monday evening. After texting and calling various people to distract me and failing to find anyone to save me from the stupid chore that has exploded in my head...then, at the end of cleaning the bedroom, came the putting of my fathers film and such into my closet...I took a deep breath and shoved things in fast and hard and sat with a thud on the floor and bit my lip and tried not to cry. My partner has gently suggested sorting this stuff once or twice, it came up again when I emptied a plastic bin in the closet of my belly dance costume crap, but I still haven't been able to give it enough of a go. I still can't really look at it. I still can't allow myself to process any of it, the pain washes over me and I feel like I am gonna puke...

So, I guess in this long rant I have figured out why I am in a funk. I guess we got that. But, I mean, fuck SERIOUSLY? Is this gonna happen every time I have to move my parents crap around? That exhibit of his art is gonna take me YEARS at this rate...I am so frustrated. Some days are ok, and I keep on keeping on and have hidden my parents in that dark little room in my head where it doesn't bother me that I don't have them to talk to, I'm fine, it's fine. Then, other days knock me in the head and the pain is so sharp I can't see straight.

and that feeling lasts for days. and, here we are.

Nature's Butter Bitch

(photo)

“Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” 

~ Keanu Reeves