Ooh..no update in a while.

I'm still here, toiling away. The depression has gotten so bad I am in full hate myself mode. I haven't done anything about it and it's getting worse. So, I need to stop feeding it. I have to embrace spring, and sunshine and cleaning and go back to fighting for the things I want to do.

I signed up for Shimmy Mob today even though I can't really afford it. It's gonna make me dance again and I haven't been real great at doing that on my own...

So, that's something.

I have to stay off Facebook. God help me some of the people I know are huge fucking idiots. All the conservative crazies are on one friend list, and for awhile I thought it was amusing to check in, but, it's just depressing now...
And besides, I was given another show to oversee at work and I'm confused and fucking up all the time, so I should focus on that...social media is a good escape from all my actual worries and feelings, so I like it, but I think it might be helping my depression along. I have to go back to really trying for healthy habits and not just eating sugar all the time and hating myself. ..but it's been hard. 

What has been an incredibly bad year for music got so much worse today. Prince has left this world. I am heart broken.

(Photos)

ah depression.
So warm, so soft...so welcoming. It would be so easy to just slide into your arms and eat ice cream and watch youtube videos in bed till I fell asleep...

Instead I will drill the 3/4 shimmy until my bad ankle hurts.Or until I fall over from tired.

Maybe I'm just tired? I am really bad when I'm tired, I don't eat well, I am grumpy. Pretty sure this is a layer of tired on top of depressed. Either way, I have to err on the side of fighting the depression and use one of my managers. The area I need most improvement in is dance, so I'll do that. Other managers are cleaning, playing ukelele, hiking, yoga, meditation, singing out loud with music or watching a favorite movie or tv show or youtube. How do you guys fight the funk?

You can be a winner!

So...what am I doing with my life..?