This new job...ooof....
I am full of so much tension and anxiety right now waiting for these broadcast files to go out that I want to puke.

I have been on edge and miserable for 6 weeks now, or, well...I have been a bit on edge and miserable since early October when I lost my last job. I know this will even out at some point, but it's hard to ride it out. I'm stress eating and not stretching enough. Deep breathing, there needs to be lots of deep breathing. 

Saturday Happy Song - Rancid - Ruby Soho

 

http://thatnightmare-syd.tumblr.com/post/149107247132/mabgravesart-this-guy-mabgraves

 

Ana Bagayan

Ana Bagayan

 

http://thatnightmare-syd.tumblr.com/post/156207684402/mental-health-starter-pack-for-times-of-change

 

"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
-Marilyn Wann

Saturday Happy Song - Beyoncé - Hold Up

Ok, so overlooking the fact that you really should forward past the anxiety inducing underwater first part of this video, which ends at 1:34, and the harder to overlook fact it's a ripoff of one of The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs hit Maps (a favorite of mine) this Beyonce song isn't bad!! It's kinda catchy!


;

 

http://thatnightmare-syd.tumblr.com/post/149020669192/via-popkey

 

 

http://thatnightmare-syd.tumblr.com/post/148866102142/thewightknight-headdresses-by-miss-g-designs

 

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Updates and rants

I never explained in this space the last quarter of 2016 which lead to an absence in expressive outlets and frustrations mentioned in earlier posts.

Oct 5th started out a really great day. I got up early, the boyfriend and his friend/music business partner left for a guys/business trip they were both looking forward to, I was gonna get all kinds of creative stuff done. I gave my goodbyes and bounded off to work. I had dressed nice, put in effort, and had a great morning. My manager rushed along the bullpen and told us all there was a last minute meeting with the VP we all had to get to right away, and then would not walk with us. I was really ticked off that the rumor was we were being fired, I was holding out hope we were just being told they were moving us again.

All 18 of us were laid off. We were given a long out date, because they were automating our workflows and needed us to help move that process along, so I would have a job for 10 months.
It seemed like wonderful news, but it was a mixed blessing. Lots of time to figure out our next move, but lots of time to stew and gossip and sulk and slack. Rumor was the norm.

A friend of mine was called back about her job application at a company in our industry, and since she had already taken another job offer, she recommended me. They liked me, and made me a pretty good offer. I jumped ship. I was scared.

Wrapping up my old job, getting the flu, sleeping as much as possible over the 2 days I had before the new job started, starting the new job full of dayquil, Christmas, food poisoning, New Year, birthday, trying to reconcile my current age...feeling uncomfortable about my current age...going back to new job with no long holiday breaks coming up, and really trying to fit in, and learn the work and be confidant cause I really rocked at my old job and I don't yet at this one, but they hired me because I worked for a large studio and rocked at it...

Well, it's taken till after the most lovely 3 day weekend we had (Cause they give us Martin Luther King day off!! YAY!) to really try to re-focus what's been going on and the blur that the last 3 months has been. I cannot believe that much time has gone by that all of this happened in, I am really kinda spent and depressed now because it's all over and I don't have to try and make it all work and worry about what's next, and I can just go back to working (cause I pretty much know what I'm doing now, I just have to go in each day and keep the plates spinning, but I know the order in which they spin now) and trying to improve myself and my life.

I think I have some anxiety because there is not some current condition I have to fix. There were a string of many ordeals and now there really isn't anything left to do but go back to making things the way I want them in my life.

A wave of relief and gratitude just washed over me.  I need to organize out my projects I think. :)

Saturday Happy Song - Missing Persons - Color in Your Life

Happy Friday!

“The job is what you do when you are told what to do. The job is showing up at the factory, following instructions, meeting spec, and being managed.

Someone can always do your job a little better or faster or cheaper than you can.

The job might be difficult, it might require skill, but it's a job.

Your art is what you do when no one can tell you exactly how to do it. Your art is the act of taking personal responsibility, challenging the status quo, and changing people.

I call the process of doing your art 'the work.' It's possible to have a job and do the work, too. In fact, that's how you become a linchpin.

The job is not the work.”
― Seth Godin, Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?

I finally saw the Tom Hanks episode of SNL from over Halloween this last weekend when I was laying around up too late, and this skit nearly killed me. Kate Mckinnon and Cecily Strong are AMAZING. I seriously could not breath. I love them and they make this whole damn sketch.

It's rained a lot lately in Los Angeles. It's been lovely. I miss days when I got to wander around in it and make romantic moments...

American Ballet Theater Swan Lake

(Shepard Fairey)