The lesson is repeated until the lesson is learned.
I am still learning about so many things, but I am pretty sure I have a couple of my main lessons down. Though, I haven't been able to change the behavior that leads to these lessons being administered by the powers that be.
I really am not sure why I talk about other people.
I hate it.
I want it to stop.
BUT, most people have nothing else to talk about, so this has become habit.
I mentioned in passing peoples questions as to why I am paying so much to remove a tumor from my cats side when I asked my partner if he had any further questions for the vet before we drop said cat off on Monday. I added that this seems to be a large expense for most other people and they do not seem to be very well prepared to care for pets since there is only so far they are willing to go in their care.
It upset my partner that I seemed so upset. This is bad because it can take him many hours to go back to feeling happy again after being upset, he can't just roller coaster ride emotions with me.
Which brings me back to a question I have had for about 25 years: Why do I need to talk about my day, my interactions and how I felt about all of them? Why do I need to work out what why and how things happened today? I express myself through 3 different websites and a journal, why do I ever need to actually fucking talk about anything? I go on and on ad nauseam about how something made me feel. I used to just rant forever on work chat to my dear friend about all the tiny details of how my job can be killing sometimes. I have worked to stop complaining, but now have to work out how I feel about it without complaint.
This is really funny actually, until I was 23 everyone complained I was too quiet and shy...now I won't shut up.
I am still learning about so many things, but I am pretty sure I have a couple of my main lessons down. Though, I haven't been able to change the behavior that leads to these lessons being administered by the powers that be.
I really am not sure why I talk about other people.
I hate it.
I want it to stop.
BUT, most people have nothing else to talk about, so this has become habit.
I mentioned in passing peoples questions as to why I am paying so much to remove a tumor from my cats side when I asked my partner if he had any further questions for the vet before we drop said cat off on Monday. I added that this seems to be a large expense for most other people and they do not seem to be very well prepared to care for pets since there is only so far they are willing to go in their care.
It upset my partner that I seemed so upset. This is bad because it can take him many hours to go back to feeling happy again after being upset, he can't just roller coaster ride emotions with me.
Which brings me back to a question I have had for about 25 years: Why do I need to talk about my day, my interactions and how I felt about all of them? Why do I need to work out what why and how things happened today? I express myself through 3 different websites and a journal, why do I ever need to actually fucking talk about anything? I go on and on ad nauseam about how something made me feel. I used to just rant forever on work chat to my dear friend about all the tiny details of how my job can be killing sometimes. I have worked to stop complaining, but now have to work out how I feel about it without complaint.
This is really funny actually, until I was 23 everyone complained I was too quiet and shy...now I won't shut up.
2 comments:
You are an expressive person. It's part of what makes you an artist. You express your experiences through your photography and dance, but perhaps some times a good old venting session is just what you need for certain parts of life like vet bills and work. Just keep doing what you need to do and try not to be too self conscious about it.
XOXO
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